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Author Topic: Nothing to be done  (Read 1888 times)

Beadbug

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Nothing to be done
« on: January 08, 2017, 12:07:37 AM »
I won't be able to do any work for the next few days. We have to go up to Dundee to try and make a care package for my husbands elderly father. He's 94 and up until July last year he was still working as a post 'boy' for a local solicitor. He's had an amazing life, during the war, the second that is, he was shipped of to South Africa where he saw Stukas firing on the huge convoy he was in. When they got through the med they went through the Suez Canal to Aden then the convoy split up and he ended up in Mombasa. A week later they went south and ended up in South Africa. He says he had a lovely war but also says that on some of the bases he was on he saw Lancasters coming home after a bombing run looking like skeletons, they were shot to pieces. He's a proud man but now he needs our help to make the remainder of his life tolerable, we hope we can do this and preserve his dignity.

ejralph

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Re: Nothing to be done
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2017, 09:55:54 PM »
Safe travels and good luck with everything you are doing for your father in law - he is lucky to have you!

What an incredible life he sounds to have had, and to be working still at 94 is very impressive.

He reminds me of Roy - a guy who worked at the post office counter where I used to live. We never knew exactly how old he was, but Gill who ran the place said she went to his 80th birthday at least 15 years before.

He was a whizz on the post office computer system and always knew what he was doing, whereas the other assistants there half his age constantly hadn't really got a clue what should be sent as what type of package, or how to work the computer screen to print the postage correctly.

I think the men and women who served in the war and all the various ways possible, really did have an aptitude for learning new skills throughout their life that maybe their own children didn't quite!

We used to see it with our computer repair business. The 80 year olds were fantastic on the computers, but their baby boomer kids could barely operate a mouse by comparison

Emma
Emma from Sunny Sussex, UK
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Beadbug

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Re: Nothing to be done
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2017, 12:08:03 AM »
Hopefully my father in law is now sorted to help him maintain his independence for a while longer. We still need to make sure that the arrangements are fully adhered to but the people we have in place are also looking after his girlfriend (she's 84) so they will still be able to see each other on a regular basis. We know that this arrangement may not be a longstanding one but until it becomes obvious that he is not coping we will just have to watch and wait. We also hope that maybe they can go dancing again just as they did up until a few short months ago.

Carrie

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Re: Nothing to be done
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2017, 02:14:52 PM »
Let's hope it all works out for him - and that you have confidence in the care providers.  I think it's great that he has a lady friend!  Fingers crossed for the dancing.....if some of the burden of caring for himself is lifted he will hopefully get back more strength and energy.  It's such a major step, accepting that you need help, so l'm really glad that he has.

My father cut himself off from people more and more, probably once my mother's dementia made it too tiring to take her out, and his fear of germs meant he stopped letting her go to day care unfortunately.   But with the help of truly wonderful care staff (all eastern European - their English supervisor just talked loudly at my mother!) he was able to look after her at home until she died....with it taking a great toll on his own health, of course - not that he wanted it any other way.

So he carried on for several years, frequently investigating care homes whenever he went through low periods, but ultimately opting to stay at home - still annoying us with his independent ways, not wanting help, let alone advice! - until his last few days after getting pneumonia and finally having to go to hospital. 95 years old...not bad!

Your father in law sounds like a wonderful man...post boy indeed!  I reckon it's better for our mental and physical health whatever our age to continue to interact with other people, unlike my father.

Beadbug

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Re: Nothing to be done
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2017, 08:43:19 PM »
He's always been very independent, even when we tried to impress on him how he needed to look after himself he was more worried about his girlfriend who was in hospital while we were there, that's typical of him! We know it's going to be difficult trying to ensure the arrangements all run smoothly but those we've been in contact with understand our worries about being so far away, but we will be visiting again as soon as we can. On a lighter note we collected our moggy Ralphy from the cattery earlier today and far from sulking he 'sang' his head off when we got home and he's just settling down now.